Helping my brother to move home over the last couple of days dragged me out of denial and into a state of er...deeper denial. But it's a new month and June is when I start packing. We're moving This Month.
Also, Evie's twin and her mum are arriving in a little over three weeks. My heart flips when I think of this and then scurries back into thoughts of packing and where to hang pictures. Oh yes, I can spin several denial plates at once.
Also, Charlie's job is seriously under threat. I wonder if the umbrella plant would like to live in the bathroom or if it may be too dark?
Also, I thought I knew about migraine and then Brambly put this great podcast onto Facebook and opened my eyes even further. So wait...migraineurs have some over-sensitive pathways in their brains? And this dysfunction, among others, is present even between attacks? So, a week or so ago when I had thoughts that I was maybe a bit crazy in a 'my brain isn't functioning properly' way, I was probably right? Well halleluja.
(c) Mark Moledor
One of the contributors talked about learning to respect migraine and I realised that I do not. Nor have I liked it. I have held it at arm's length and considered it an intrusion and an inconvenience and a sickness and something to be (if possible) ignored and trampled over in the name of 'carrying on'.
I listened to this podcast lying in bed with a sleepless 3 year old lying on me. Forced to be still and not be distracted. I thought maybe I should learn to embrace my migraine. Not just respect but like them. I once wrote a blog post called 'Migraine is not my friend'. Maybe it should be. Maybe I need to stop thinking of it as somehow separate from me. It is not a parasite. It is not 'it'. Maybe it is not a dysfunction but rather just the way my brain functions.
I have migraine.
I am a migraineur.
Crikey, I already have this huuuuge list of things that will magically begin to happen once we've moved. See: exercise, better diet, more time outside, growing vegetables, decluttering, simplifying life...and that's just the start. Now I'm adding in migraine lurve? Which will mean some major changes all on its own?
STOP.
And at this point my quiet mind, tucked away in the back of my brain away from the traffic, pollution and bright lights, reminded me of Eckhart Tolle. Reminded me that this endless chatter is largely just my ego and my ego is really just another 3 year old for me to deal with. Only he said it better.
And breathe.
It's Monday. My child is happy. The future is bright. The sun is shining. I have work to do. I am a privileged woman with more choices than I know how to make.
And I am grateful.
