Seriously. I have things to say here that I really want to get into but stuff keeps happening. And it's good stuff. I feel like I should update so that there is context when I do get down to real writing.
Here we are. A year into the 3YP and Charlie is about launch his own business(es - yay for portfolio working). We looking at a period of huge, positive change for all of us (after all, I'm still following my own stars) and a need to re-examine the 3YP because it's all happening way more quickly.
This last few months has taught me some things about myself:
- I like money. I thought I didn't but it turns out that I just don't like what it does to some people. Money, I like. I like the security it offers. I even like what it does to some people.
- I am an introvert who needs and craves alone time but I have discovered more validation and joy and inspiration in the friendships I've found this last year, than anywhere else. Suddenly, I love having friends and miss them terribly when they're not around. Who'd've thought it?
- I cannot, to use a phrase my friend Lisa introduced to me, hold a space. I run the moment it feels as if I might be examined. If it feels as if someone could get too close a look at me. See my faults, my flaws, my sheer ineptitude. How much easier it is to flit between Twitter accounts (2), Facebook (false name), blogs (3?), dreams (too numerous to count), jobs, homes, even moods. Just don't try and pin me down because I will scream and wriggle and slip away and get...? Nowhere. Nowhere. Running to stand still, as someone once said.
- I am still fighting what my life has become. I still resent the fact that I cannot sit and work at my computer, or a notebook or a flower bed or a wall that needs painting for longer than about 15 minutes at a time. It drives me INSANE. It takes me a good 20 minutes to get into my groove and work through my personal tendency to flitter away from holding space but add in the rest of my life and...no groove. My life is wonderful, being a parent is wonderful and I need to find a way to have my family, my day to day life, my responsibilities and my 'me time' support each other and not just create stress and struggle. I believe the first step is acceptance and I've never been good at that. Time to try harder. Time to acknowledge that before I had all these things, I didn't care about 'me time'. I wasn't that bothered about doing anything creative. I just liked walking with my dogs and daydreaming. What these things make difficult, they gave me. They are gifts but challenging ones.
I wanted to keep this short and already I'm rambling (dude...I'm HOME ALONE for the first time in months). I'm going to try to do less thought-spilling and more story-telling here. More practical stuff. More...something, less endless examination of my every scintillating thought. Heh.
Back soon.
Happy Tuesday.
x
