shapeshifting

I haven't blogged in two weeks. February is racing through with me gasping for breath behind it!

My online time has been limited to the stuff I can do with one eye on the screen and one on something else. Twitter and Pinterest are my bestest of friends right now and oh, how I love them.

My etsy orders are all up to date at last and I've listed some new little plates. I have a new idea for some special magic to add to the store but I think I have to wait until March before I'll have time to make it real. I've also learnt...have things ready before you list them.

I've also found that Reiki and I are supposed to work together for people as well as animals. In my spare minutes I've been playing with my 'front page' to reflect this change. Early days yet but I want to add much more as time goes on. The first step is to get out there and do it. Cash flow dictates my timetable with bigger projects so I have a portable couch and my insurance to cover before I'm really out there, but this will happen.

My extra day's work a week - with the Beagles of Lurve - is wonderful. It feels good to be outside doing the kennel work, keeping my body working hard while my brain takes the chance to get stuff in order. The second half of my time there is spent bathing and grooming and yes, okay, cuddling these lovely dogs. I finish, I run a couple of errands and then it's Evie's home time. The change in days I work at the office has thrown us all a bit and the question,"Wait...what day is it?" is bounced around the desks while we adjust. New rhythm is settling in though.

Through these minor changes Evie has been my priority. She's suddenly grown up a lot and with that development have come big questions about China and her birth family. Her understanding of her story has deepened - she's been told an age appropriate version of it since before she could talk -and with it has come a wave of grief. I'm not going to write about her feelings here but I can tell you mine were shaken when - as she sobbed and I rocked her to an "it's okay darling, it's okay" mamamantra - she looked at me and wailed,"But it's NOT okay Mum...its NOT okay." And no, it's not. So she reminded me of the underlying truth of our family, easily forgotten during these early innocent years, that adoption is built on profound loss. Adoption following (possibly enforced) abandonment...oy. Time for me to dust off my adoptive parent certificate (oh if only) and remember the full width of this path that we've chosen (and that she hasn't). I know our bond is strong and I think we've built strong, loving foundations around that original loss. I have healing tools that I can add to the mix and this, here in our own home, will be where they will be called on most.

Charlie spent a few days in Spain this month on a blogging gig that - I could feel his pain - also involved a large amount of birding. and just as his feet hit the ground he's off next week for two days training on a new fundraising job for the RSPB. It's half-term week so Evie has no school, Auntie has a new full-time job, Nana is not too well and already booked up with the cousins and we've been caught on the hop a bit. I foresee a bit of work-experience in charity marketing for a certain five year old. Thank goodness for an old-hippy-workplace.

So. Yes. Life! I feel as if I've been shifted into second gear after months of grinding along in first. I've found endless strength and support in Reiki, journey work, nature, family and friends to whom I owe many emails. I have so much that is precious in my life and looking after those things takes time and energy that sometimes perhaps I'd rather spend on something more about me-me-me and my personal path. Yes, life could be easier but it would be infinitely poorer too. These are the lessons for an introvert.

Are you as ready for Spring as I am?

x

I have a small tattoo on my right arm that I want covered. I've spent a long time thinking about how to do it. I think I've decided that the cover-up tattoo will be something very like this.

a) It like totally resonates with the symbol of my blogging tribe ya know?

b) I always wanted to be a bird - I already have one tattooed on my back.

c) It's beautiful.

d) I couldn't begin to explain the truth of why it's perfect...it just is.

Today I went to have a tattoo inked over with another one. I had a small paw print done on the inside of my wrist a year ago and although I've never regretted it, I have wished that it was bigger and better. Today was the day I got that wish.

I went back to the place that had done the last one. It's an old school tattoo studio. None of your 'body art' talk - although they do incredible work. This place has two middle-aged guys doing the ink and a young, completely tattooed, face-pierced dude who takes care of the desk and does some of the piercing. He is the sweetest, most polite guy you'll ever meet. 

Anyway, the eldest guy is the one who does most of the artwork. He's probably about my age, maybe a bit older. Overweight. Thinning hair. Not a tattoo on him. Dressed in black. Beard. Retired biker type. Almost entirely silent. Balances a very uncool pair of spectacles on the end of his nose to see his work nowadays.

Does a brilliant job.

At the end as he's spraying and wiping my forearm he nods towards the back room where the other, older guy is working. "Danny's dog's sick."

"Oh no," I say. "I'm sorry, that's awful. I have two older dogs and I'm always aware that the 13 year old is on borrowed time. I can't think about it."

"His is 13," he says. "I've been through it twice myself (shakes his head)...dreadful."

I nod.

"I've got an Alsatian x Dachshund now."

"Wow," I say. "I thought my Corgi x Lurcher was odd-looking! That's some mix!"

He walks to the desk and pulls out his phone. Clicks through some frames until he finds one that makes his eyes light up. Holds it out to me.

"Oh she's beautiful," I say because she is. A small, gorgeous German Shepherd with huge eyes.

He blushes. A sweet smile crosses his face as he stares at the phone's screen. "Yeah. Heh. She is. She's alright."

And with that he walks away and goes back into silence.

I love that dogs can make that connection between people even when they're not there in the room with us.

I love that they melt the toughest hearts.

And that's why I started wag, bark, love.